Circle Jerk

I'm naive. I don't know how other people have sex - only how I have had sex. And as I go through this journal - memorial of my sex and sexual life and thoughts, I find how fluid and sliding the definition of sexuality really is.

I never wrote down how many women (or men) I had sex with. It wasn't a contest, a list, or a race. I've found myself in various situations that have aroused something in me that either caused me to be attracted to someone - or something - that I was surprised by...

Or I went after something - or someone - because I was aroused. Many of my primal and deep erotic experiences were in xxx-rated movie theatres. Many others were in adult book stores. Lately many of them on the internet.

There are many stories (interestingly, at least to me) in which they are masturbatory fantasies. Yes, I've jerked off a lot. In many situations. There was the occasional brush with sleeping with another man but I have avoided that, and I think it's because I have never met the right one, and been in the right situation, have never been aroused.

Sex, believe it or not, is a very personal and solitary experience. What happens in my head is my own business and what is getting me off while I'm fucking you may have little to do with you.

I've never shared it with my friends. Once in the men's wing of the gym at the pool we used to go to, where the older men would walk around bare-ass naked with their long dicks hanging out, almost to a fault, I accidentally walked around the locker bank and into three men who were naked and erect, sitting on the benchs.

They locked eyes with me, and were sitting quite innocently, except for the fact that their bathing suits were not on, there were no towels over their privates, and at least 2 of them seemed to have erections - clear to be seen (one had his hand near but not over, one was actually turned so I couldn't see it. The third conducted himself like it wasn't even there.).

They were in their early 40s, I guessed, fathers or businessmen from the community, here on a weekend for a dip, a picnic, a workout, and knew each other. I smiled and continued walking.

It didn't quite occur to me at the time, but it did a half-minute later, they'd been jerking themselves off. I somehow and suddenly knew, after I was gone. To demonstrate their own erections. No touching of each other had been going on, because they weren't close enough or entangled together. And besides, that would have been so "gay."

If I had had the presense of mind earlier, if I didn't have my bathing suit on (or perhaps had just come out of the shower), if my wife had not been out there by the pool, 200 yards away, perhaps... perhaps... I would have stopped.

Paused.

And observed. Completely innocently. As a friend. And maybe gotten erect for them, all innocent and curious, as well.