Decide

There was a moment when I had the opportunity to fuck her. I could have taken her, leaned over and kissed her again.

I was married and she knew it. My wife didn't know where I was. And this girl here, so hot, so smiling. Thin. That tattoo.

She was willing.

We watched the film, sitting next to each other. Every movement on the chair was tense, every slide across the fabric was fraught with sexual promise. Was it flirting if we talked about the images before us?

If we were here, alone? Together, sharing? If we both had commitments, but ones that were not there, not binding emotionally? Not for the moment? Not of this moment but far away?

If it was okay with both of us if we kissed. Just a little?

I kissed her. I kissed her to see what it would be like. She let me. I knew she would let me so it wasn't like I was seeing if she would push me away, or slap me, or say "But your wife...."

I could have undone her blouse then. I could have put my hand on her thigh. Opened her pants. She was leaning back and it was an invitation.

But she did not open her pants. She did not pull at my pants. She was not going to coerce me. I had to decide to do it.

It was up to me.

So I leaned in and kissed this mouth, this new and wonderful, softer, and more fragrant mouth. Receptive. Not aggressive but certainly enjoying and exploring the wet moment. To kiss someone who wants to be kissed is better than ice cream in July, better than live music under the stars.

I looked at her and sighed. Fuck. She smiled at me. She read what I was deciding. We leaned back and I turned off the film and she poured another drink.

She was there for me but only if I wanted to go there. She had nothing to lose personally and nothing to gain. It could only be sex. I walked out of there and it made me want her all the more. Because she respected my decision so much, and it had been the right one.

Poised between want for her, so delicious, and the chaos of being unfaithful, so dangerous and erotic. And easy.

That was the scariest part, how easy it would have been.