Addicted to Love

You ever have to learn how to jerk off?

I mean actually show you what to do, how to move, what it feels like, hey, that this will feel good so try it?

Didn't think so.

But there's a subset of porn out there where a woman, usually beautiful, sometimes naked, talks to the camera telling you how.

Jerk-off instructions. Here or here.

The payoff seems solely to be that she makes the movement with her hand by her crotch.  You know that sexy pump movement. She talks down to you, "you jerkoff," "you can't help yourself can you?", etc. while stroking that invisible cock in front of her pussy - your cock in your dream. The cock you have and she'll never have and won't let you give her. 

There's a humiliation component to it. She even jerks heself off sometimes, but never do you see her take you in her mouth - she's teasing you, showing you her own pussy and it's all a trick...

...and it's fucking hot.

How is this a thing? I usually want the woman to be into me as much as I'm into her. If you know what I mean. I don't want her to talk down to me or belittle me.  Is there any better boner-killer?

I think it's just an excuse to have some woman talk dirty while making eye contact.

But this subset of porn does tap into the shame of jerking off. We all felt at one time - or maybe just were taught - it was horribly wrong. We might even have been told we were killing kittens and betraying god by putting hand onto cock.

To have a beautiful woman (or your sister, or mom!) go ahead and talk you through it, there's certain transgressive release in that. It's not the same as having her whisper in your ear "yes, more, fuck me" but at least in spite of her humiliating of my pitiful gooning -  she's with the program.

She gets it. You can't help yourself. The simple truth is we're all addicted to jerking off. It feels too good to stop; you're in complete control, you decide how long or how big (or how delayed) your orgasm is, it's not cheating and there's a peaceful zen feeling of getting in touch with your own bad hard self.

Maybe it's a way to remind us - "you fucking jerk off!" - that it has its place. Don't you jerk off when you have no better option?  I watch clips of girls masturbating more than anything else lately - maybe it's a feedback loop - masturbating to masturbating.

It's part educational ("oh, so that's how they do it"), part simple wank material, but also keeps my sexual antenna up.

It gets me horny. Fuels my sexual fantasies which run in my head day and night. Opens me up to possibilities. (No, not to banging impossible tattoo'd plastic babes on the deck; I mean, things like telling her to keep her socks on, or doing it with the window open. Turning her over this way.  Licking along those bumps from the back instead whitewashing the fence.)

I'm not jerking off instead of living a normal healthy sexual relationship with my wife and loved ones. The porn, the minutes or hours I'm in a sexually excited state, so I can fuck her different.

Watching the various and sundry kinks I'm attracted to is exercise.  Eat out more often (use it or lose it).  It kindles my desires and I fairly attack my wife as soon as the kids are in bed.

I don't need some internet bitch to tell me how to jerk off. The construction of these clips ultimately shame you, maybe make you feel better about cumming on yourself and keep you watching their damned clips.

The girls in these instruction videos say they're disgusted by my wanking?

I think she's using that as an excuse to show me her pussy.

* * *

See also: Step mommy's hairy bush jerk-off instruction

Shave Tail

It was 1985 - a couple moons ago - when I saw "Return of the Living Dead" in the theatre. A kind of "punk rock" remake/re-do of the old "Night of the Living Dead" horror franchise.

And what blew my mind, the way it blew all the teenagers' minds at the time, was the sight of
Linnea Quigley's dance on the gravesite as she stripped off. And showed her bald pussy.

I'd never seen a bald pussy before. Not even in porn!  Had anyone? How transgressive, how odd - how fucking sexy.

The common wisdom was that she had to shave in order to get the shot into an R-rated film. For some reason actual pubic hair would have made the shot too explicitly sexual? Like seeing the pussy without hair and therefore more accessible was somehow less of a turn-on?  Fuck, did they even know anything at the ratings board?

Little did we know that shaving was starting to become a thing.  In 1984 there was a tape called Shave Tail that showed in glorious detail women shaving themselves before having sex. With shaving cream on barber chairs; a whole ritual. It was presented as some odd fetish/kink and only later did the tape get a #2, #3, and so on. It had the boyish and lithe Erica Boyer who's eye contact could make my cock stir every time and Cara Lott; a Bruce Seven joint both thrown together haphazardly as was the straight-to-video aesthetic of the day, and precient.

For some reason Shave Tail (the original) is now completely out of print, never made it to DVD and the new versions under the same title are a later, different, less pervy issue.

It was only later that we found out, in some behind-the-scene feature or blog, that Linnea had worn an appliance, that she was not really shaved and it hid the suggestion of a crease between her legs. She wasn't really shaven at the time.

I nevertheless jerked off to this image (and this memory) more than once back in my teen years before the internet ruined everything.

Now goddamn every woman in porn (and seemingly, in real life) has no hair between their legs, a grooming choice I'm not alone in bemoaning.  Even Hugh Hefner doesn't like it and he would know the difference.  Now women with hairy pussies is the fetish.

But the first and powerful illicit idea of a woman going completely smooth, open and clean, still stirs my loins. My own real life and practicality prevents me from pursuing this kink (and seeing if I agree with Mr. Hefner).  The women I've been with all have hair and don't get me wrong, I fucking love it, and my wife tells me shaving is more trouble than it's worth.  Razor burn, lotions that sting, chafing, and you have to keep it up with attention almost every day.

It's all about the image. So I guess I'll keep that illicit desire up here in my head.

Redheads Going Extinct?

The report of redheads going extinct has been greatly exaggerated. Hell, I sure as fucking hope so.

Article here: Weekly World News.

Of course, it's the Weekly World News. But it appeared on my birthday a couple years ago.  The US supposedly is only 2-6% red.  I'm lucky I'm in California where it seems there are more redheads walking around (and here on campus, in shorts and no sleeves (pale arms, pale thighs)). I wish there was an app for that.

It could all be bad science. But just in case, I'm going to do my part by impregnating as many of them as possible.